Ugh I just want to yell at someone about this. So there’s this guy I like bc ofc there is always a guy. And he’s been a good friend to me and I to him, like held each other when crying, talk each other through growth, inspire each other to be better etc etc. Like we are really compatible in a lot of ways and I like a lot of little things about him that reflect bigger parts of who he is. Well we recently sort of have started a friends with benefits type thing, like companionship+. It’s pretty obvious he’s crazy into me like, you can just tell. Well lately we’ve been dancing around the “maybe we should just date” conversation. And I’ve been cautious bc I got out of a long term relationship about half a year ago and I’m not sure I’m ready for all that. And the last few times that this conversation topic has come up this guy has mentioned my weight and how he’s concerned that as a girlfriend I might not be able to keep up with him bc he’s v active or that it bothers him that he can’t pick me up. Well, this time around I called him on it. I told him that while those things might play a part in it, I thought he was actually upset bc I didn’t look the part of someone he wants to be seen with bc being fat isn’t desirable and he doesn’t want to be seen as a dude who’s with a fat chick. And he basically said like I’m not wrong but that obviously I’m a really amazing person and that matters more to him but he’s always been told he could do better then his exs and he doesn’t want to be seen as settling. And I really like this guy. But still I told him (while fighting tears) that if weight was something that important that he needed to be honest and not sugarcoat it and say my personality made up for it bc I’m not going to change. I’m not going to try to lose weight or go on a diet or wear shapewear for him. I told him that I keep dating people who don’t like me and if he’s not crazy about every part of me what’s the point. He basically replied saying that he just wasn’t usually attracted to my type but he really likes me and I told him that it’s fine to have a preference but i would prefer he think I’m beautiful including my body bc that’s the part he’ll be looking at that represents me. And then I told him he can think about what he wants to say but the conversation was upsetting me so I’m gonna go to the bathroom. Which is where I’m at now. I guess my question is…is there anything he can say that makes that thought okay? Like I really like him and he’s good for me on every other front truly truly. I’m good for him too. Is this a deal breaker?
hey!! i’m so sorry to hear this!!!!! i haven’t been on tumblr as much lately so i’m not sure when you sent this. i am so sorry this happened to you!!!!!!! i would be SO upset if i were in your shoes & i honestly think you handled this AMAZINGLY. good for you for standing up for yourself, i’m so proud of you and that’s so inspiring becuase that’s so hard to do. his original excuse of like thinking htat you wouldn’t be able to keep up with him is bullshit lol like what does that have to do with anything, like…. is he looking for a gym buddy? or like are you housebound? i dont really feel like that has anything to do with anything.
i honestly dont know what i would do in your situation. its really hard and also really easy to give advice when its not happening to you, like it would be really easy for me to bel ike “tell him to fuck off!!!!” when its not me who likes him and knows him.
i feel like if he apologizes and is really into you and doesn’t act embarrassed about you or anything like that and is willing to just be a normal bf/gf and not try to hide you or do anything weird likee that then i woudl probably give him a second chance if i really liked him and he wasn’t making me feel bad about myself. but i feel like if he was making me feel bad about myself in any way then it’s not worht it to be with him. but also honestly like…. i’m not an expert. all i know is that you deserve a good relationship with someone who loves all of you and your weight is NOT something to feel bad about or for someone to make you feel bad about.
guys did i fuck up? lol. ok so yesterday night i went on a tinder date with this guy i had matched with the night before, and we like 1000% hit it off and talked at the restaurant all night & were almost the last ones there and then he invited me back over to his place so i said yes but when we were there he was like “do you want to make out” lol and it just felt so staged and awkward so i was like “haha idk maybe” but didnt move or do anything so we didnt and it was pretty late and a work night so then we talked for a bit but maybe like 20ish mins later it was like 1am and he was like “i’m pretty tired” and walked me out & i went home. and then today i texted him adn was like do you want to come over tonight & he said he was super busy (which i think is true) but when am i free next & i said tuesday. and then i was like “btw to be clear i am inviting you over to have sex lol” and then around 10 he came over and we were just talking like i didn’t make a move & he was like “are you waiting for me to kiss you?” and i was like no idk lol i just want to like warm up & chat first and then we basically kept talking and i never made any moves and then at like 11:30 he was like “i have to get up pretty early tomorrow morning” and i was like “oh do you wanna go home?” and he was like yeah i think so and then he left but as he was leaving he was like “i’ll see you on tuesday”. lol. idkkkkkkkk
ok update i just texted him and said “lol sorry i just get nervous”
